Saturday, May 5, 2012

the one where i break down

i'm spent. completely and totally spent. fall down on my knees a mess. flat out ugly cry.

that's all.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

the one with some random pictures from the last week or two

i figured i would do a little blogging but i need to do this with as little brain work as possible. 
i'm pooped. and crazy me agreed to work all night tonight. that means i go in at 6pm and get off at 6am. 
with very little sleep and the sickies still trapped inside me. 
i'm far too stubborn to go to the dr. 

anyhoo. i thought i would share some pictures of what we've been up to lately. 

isn't he just the cutest little thing?! he kept bringing me flowers to 'make you fee betta!' pretty sure that didn't help with this whole allergy/sinus crap but i had to smell them and keep them til they withered away. he worked hard to find those little flowers, no way could i just toss them aside. 

sweet relief. the seven page religion paper is done. i can't tell you how many rough drafts i did, now many times i cried over this stinking paper and so on. i despise book reports. it's all in my head but so hard to get out on paper. even harder to be sure that it makes sense. 

hello love. i picked this little baby up at Sam's Club not too long ago. now just to find the perfect k-cup flavor. i've been through a few that came with it as samples but i only really liked one. but i'm still looking. may just end up using the my k-cup and my own bag of coffee. 

how sweet is this guy. when i was feeling pretty yucky he wanted to sit right next to me and be sure i was okay. can you see his little arm wrapped around my head? he kept patting my head telling me, 'i hope you feel better soon mommy.' oh he melts my heart. we were watching an episode of Americas Funniest Videos in on iPad. i may have fallen asleep a few times! 

Monday, April 30, 2012

the one with a very long and loud sigh

oh sweet relief. today i took my last final for this semester. and last final for at 
least another year. ten classes later and i'm ready for a break. Riley enters kindergarten this fall, Sammy has one more year at home (well, really in his MDO/preschool program) and i have a years worth of 
a breather. i was starting to get burnt out and i'd hate for my gpa to suffer because of that. 

during this year off from school i'm hoping to get the house under control, spend some more time with God, the boys, my husband, family, and friends. i may not be able to last the whole year without taking classes, it's an odd addiction, but we'll just take it one day at a time. 

i do plan on going back, i've got plenty of time, i hope. and if not, that's okay too. i love my job and where i work but, hey, if i have to be honest, i'd rather be working in the emergency department and i can't really do that without getting my nursing degree. can't really buy or build a house without a second income either. 

but in the meantime i am going to enjoy my break from those pesky scantron tests!!! 

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

the one where God humbled me

i went to work yesterday with a sore throat. i honestly can't remember the last time my throat has hurt so bad. it really wasn't that bad, i just made it seem that way. after a cup of coffee, a few cough drops, and a cup of broth i went home feeling a littler better. 

here i was, at a hospital, complaining of how bad i felt. seriously? at least i was working there and not a patient. i think they have more to complain about than me, yet there i was, making a big deal out of something quite insignificant. in the midst of me being a baby God showed me who was really hurting.

my own friends. several of them. hurting. in a more painful way than my silly sore throat. i can't help but wonder if God is using this sore throat to show me something. i bet he is. he works like that, ya know. i've always been a listening ear for my friends, i try my best to encourage them along the way but sometimes i get wrapped up in my own 'pain.' selfish, i know. i'm human. we all are. 

several of my friends have lost loved ones, some are dealing with divorce, learning to cope with a traumatic childhood...and here i am whining over a sore throat. as i said my prayers this morning i asked God to take over and heal me, then i prayed specifically for each and every one of my hurting friends. i broke down. the pain my friends are feeling is far worse than the pain of my own sickness. 

i've been there...where my friends are now. it wasn't easy and i didn't get through it all alone. God was there, my friends and family were there. and now i need to be there for my friends. i need to encourage each of them. pray for them. hold their hands. hug them. love them. just as they all did for me. just as God does every day for me

let's make a deal. set aside your selfishness with me and pray for those you know who are hurting. pray for those all around the world who are hurting. pray for those who are too prideful, scared, unwilling to ask for help. pray that they find comfort in our God. our Savior. our Refuge. 

ask God to bring them peace in the midst of losing a loved one. 
ask God to protect them from those who are hurting them.
ask God to give them a forgiving heart.
ask God to take away their pain.

1 Peter 3:8
Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and

James 5:13-16
13 Is anyone among you in trouble? Let them pray. Is anyone happy? Let them sing songs of praise. 14 Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord. 15 And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven. 16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

Monday, April 23, 2012

the one with 8 random thoughts

just some things....

last week i turned in my book report. totally not proud of it. usually i think my papers are great and i work hard on them. this last one, not so much. i had great intentions but it just didn't work out. today is the day the teacher hands back our papers...graded. i'm so nervous. i've really enjoyed my religion class and my teacher is just awesome. he's a pastor at a local church and just so very sweet. very knowledgeable but not boastful. great guy.

i think the kiddos are back on the mend. sammy had a blood test last week to determine if the amoxicillin was the cause of the crazy rash that i swore was chicken pox. i'm sure i drove my pedi and his office crazy with all the phone calls and questions. 

i am totally in love with my ipad. the hubster did a great job picking that gift out. he knew just what i wanted. sometimes i hate sharing it. right now the kindle app is my favorite. there are tons of free books out there. gospel ebooks is a great source for some FREE books. there's a free one just about every day.
(nope, they didn't pay me or compensate me in any way for saying that. well, maybe they did...with the free books i've gotten from them. i'll stop now!)

i'm sending a very good friend of mine a special package today. i'm terrible at keeping surprises a surprise so she already knows it's headed her way. at least i haven't told her what it is...yet! 

my brother-in-law and his wife are adopting from china! i am beyond excited for them and the whole family. nothing like another little one to love on. she is adorable. seriously adorable. y'all, this whole adoption process for them has God all over it. check out their story (so far) over here. my mind is going crazy with all kids of fundraising ideas. i just want to help any way i can to get this sweet baby home!

for some reason i can't get the idea of a new tattoo off my mind. i can't help it. i'm addicted to ink. trying to think of a design that incorporates ryan, lela, riley, and sammy all in one without it being obnoxious. i have a few ideas, but i'm not set one just yet. 

we have been visiting a new church lately and i think we might have found our home. it's so cozy there. the boys love it too. riley used to throw a fit each time we went to our other church. he even asks to go to church now. i love it. moving to a new church is quite an adjustment but the Lord has been right there with us the whole time and it just feels right. 

i've found a new favorite verse. Isiah 41:13
For I the LORD thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

the one with 'the wall'

i'm supposed to be doing homework. but i've hit a wall. my brain isn't working 
and i just want to give up on writing this seven page paper. 

so while i was not doing my homework like i'm supposed to be doing i googled my old blog. 
the blog i had a tad bit over a year ago. apparently get the itch to blog at the same time every year. 
wonder how many other blogs i have out there in the land of

speaking of walls, i found this post from january 2010. 
while my relationship with my husband is in no means strained like it appeared to be then, 
i thought would bring back this blog entry. if you take out the husband part i believe that 
many of us can relate in one way or another. 

'the wall' circa january 2010

Constructed carefully. Each brick hand picked and set myself. As tall and as wide as I want. As strong and durable as I feel necessary. This wall is my friend. Maybe my best friend. It also doubles as my counselor. I don't really talk to this wall, you see. I just throw my feelings in it's direction and I'm done.

My wall has this awesome quality of stopping whatever I throw at it from getting to the outside world. Great characteristic, I think. Though I've been told it's really not all that.

Apparently it's not so safe to make best friends with a wall. I say to those people-y'all don't know what you're missing! Really, you don't!

You see, this wall has worked great since childhood. Built by me several years ago...still standing after years of abuse. Many ugly words, physical abuse and loss upon loss. It takes it all. I really should have been a brick layer. Okay-maybe not.

After all, this wall of mine, that I built myself, isn't really there. It's just a figment of my imagination. And as I get older the game of pretend is starting to wear off. I've been fooled. By my own self. Odd.

It's taken some time to realize this. Some time that I would have rather spent building my wall much higher. Much stronger. But, I've run out of bricks. I've run out of mortar. And honestly, I don't want to go get more. It's quite expensive.

The cost of building materials have gone up. Pretty expensive now, if you ask me. This wall I talk so fondly of has become an enemy of sorts. The great job it was doing of keeping my feelings in and away from others has now started to hurt me. And those very close to me. Mainly my husband. That wall. That blasted wall.

It's time I take you down. Piece by piece. No more holding back how I feel. No more ignoring how my husband feels. No more. Wall, I love you, you've been great. But now it's time to be honest with myself. With my husband. With my family and friends.

No more relying on the wall to keep me safe.

It's God's turn.

Friday, April 13, 2012

the one full of testosterone

Riley- gentle and caring. reigning champion in the sport of throwing tantrums. best one in the house to snuggle with. high spirited yet quiet. hates to be dirty.

Samuel-afraid of nothing, me included. first to call me princess. loud and crazy. gentle in his own ways. rarely quiet. lover of dirt

i very rarely link up with other blogs, not because i don't want to but because i always 
forget and by the time i remember it's too late. 
but this time, folks, this time i remembered. 

today i am linking up over at Kelly's Korner with several other mommas out there 
who have ALL boys! this excites me. i love knowing other moms of just boys. 
there's just something special about being a mom of boys. 
(just as there is something special about having all girls. lol)

i can't tell you how much i love being the only girl in the house. they all call me princess, bring me weeds  flowers, and everything in between. they have the perfect mix of rough & tumble and sweet & gentle all at the same time. the list goes on and on. i can't tell you how many times we get asked if 
we are going to try for a girl (well, technically another girl. whole 'nother post for a whole 'nother day).
sure, we'd love to welcome a daughter into this house full of boys, dog included, but for now we totally loving a house full of testosterone....on most days! 

was trying for a cute photo shoot...this is what i got! BOYS! 

totally outnumbered and loving it!